Friday, January 31, 2014

Humor - Great Quotes

1) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
* Steven Seagal

(2) "The problem with the designated driver program is, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
* Jeff Foxworthy

(3) "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
 * Robin Williams

 (4) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
 * Dave Barry

(5) "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
 * Marilyn Pittman

(6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
 * Bob Ettinger

 (7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, gee, mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
 * Paula Poundstone

 (8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Uh, duh!"
 * Conan O'Brien

 (9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh my goodness, I could be eating a slow learner."
 *Lynda Montgomery

 (10) "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."
 * Roseanne

 (11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."
 * Richard Jeni

 (12) "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
 * Johnny Carson

 (13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
 * Paul Rodriguez

 (14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
 * Jerry Seinfeld

 (15) "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
 * Warren Hutcherson

(16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
 * Oscar Wilde

 (17) "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet."
 * Mae West

 (18) "Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."
 * Mark Twain

 (19) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
 * A. Whitney Brown

 (20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
 * Robin Williams

 (21) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
 * Roseanne

 (22) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
 * Dave Barry

 (23) "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
 * George Carlin

 (24) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the Aspirin
 bottle: "Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
* Author Unknown

 (25) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
* Drew Carey

 (26) "When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
 * Author Unknown



Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The 306 Greatest Books #120 - The Prince and the Pauper

The next book up on my reading of the 305 Greatest Books is The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain. This book can be found on the Sybervision Book List.



Perhaps when the story was written it was original in it's premise but I feel it may have been over used in today's society. The basic plot is that a pauper dreams of seeing the prince one day, they meet, exchange clothes and find out they are identical. So much so that no one can tell the difference. The majority of the story then follows the prince as he tries to make his way back to the throne. I thought the story was enjoyable and short enough for a rather simple premise. However, I was disappointed by the end. I felt that the prince had built up some really great grudges by the end of the story and I couldn't wait to see what happened to those people but it was just written off with a few lines. I am also not sure what it is about Twain's writing and his "legacy" but I feel that none of his stories (at least the ones I have read) possess the wit that is supposed to be a hallmark of Mark Twain. The book was well written and fun but I was expecting something a little more clever witted/ humorous. Another problem I had with his writing was that in times when he would simulate a "historical observation" the text was rather dense and confusing to the point that I had a tendency to skim over those parts because I couldn't quite follow what was going on. On a whole, this was a nice, quick, enjoyable story but not one I would call one of Twain's best.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Humor - Chicken soup for the alcoholic soul‏

Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce 

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
--David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
--Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

2014 Personal Goals - Initial Post

As a recap of the previous years we have:

2010: 14% completed
2011: 30% completed
2012: 48% completed (counting partial completions)
2013: 28% completed (counting partial completions)

My dissertation occupied a majority of my time last year and especially during the back half of the year resulting in a dismal completing rate. With that mostly complete, hopefully I can focus on some other projects.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Finish 1st Draft of my Novel
Start - Again on the list.

2. Drop weight to 167
Start - This has also been on the list since the beginning. Starting at 183.8

3. Read 1 of the Top Ten Books on Zane's List
Start - In the middle of The Stories of Anton Chekhov.

4. Read 7 books on the Sybervision Book List (including 1 in the Science or Philosophy sections)
Start - Current count is at 78.

5. Read 2 books on the BBC Book List
Start - Current count is at 48.

6. Finish 1 more Geological Movie Review
Start - Earthquake still looks like the best bet.

7. Watch 10 of the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time
Start - Current count is at 75.

8. Finish 56 things on the Blog/Website Things to do List (~1 a week)
Start - The list currently has ~150 things on it.

9. Finish 10 things on the House Things to do List
Start - The list currently has 29 things on it.

10. Finish skinning the top of the hovercraft
Start - I started working on it 2 years ago but with wood purchased lat year I hope to finish that part.

11. Get my Sprint Triathlon time under 1:25:00
Start - My current official best is 1:41:45.2

12. Get my 5K time under 23 minutes
Start - My current unofficial best is ~28:30

13. Catalogue and Photograph the Comics portion of my Star Wars Collections
Start - Currently I have some of the comics photographed so if I get the time this should

14. Finish Dissertation
Start - Currently I have to finish up analyses, finish writing, and format it. Not much work at all.
 
15. Submit 3 Scientific Manuscripts to Journals 
Start - I have 3 manuscripts in the almost there phase. I hope to get these submitted soon.

16. Defeat 5 console Star Wars Games
Start - With collecting so many games that I have not had time to play I want to set aside some game time.


2013 Personal Goals - Year End Update

End of the year. Much slower on the downhill half but this coming year should be much better.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Finish 1st Draft of my Novel
Start - Yes, this has been on here since the beginning of me doing this. And yes, I do still hope to finish it.

2. Drop weight to 167
Start - This has also been on the list since the beginning. Starting at 174.1.
Month 1 - 175.0
Month 2 - 175.9
Month 3 - 176.2 (too much work, not enough free time)
Month 4 - 177.7 (going the wrong way :-( )
Month 5 - I didn't even weigh myself this month
Month 6 - 180.8 (starting to work out again)
Month 7 - 180.8
Month 11 - 184.8
Month 12 -  183.8

3. Read 1 of the Top Ten Books on Zane's List
Start - In the middle of The Stories of Anton Chekhov.

4. Read 5 books on the Sybervision Book List
Start - Current count is at 75.
Month 1 - In the middle of David Copperfield.
Month 2 - Still reading David Copperfield.
Month 3 - Finished David Copperfield. 4 to go. 
Month 5 - Currently reading The Wealth of Nations 
Month 6 - Still reading The Wealth of Nations
Month 7 - Finished The Wealth of Nations. 3 to go.
Month 11 - Reading The Travels of Marco Polo
Month 12 - Finished reading The Travels of Marco Polo. 2 to go.

5. Read 5 books on the BBC Book List
Start - Current count is at 45.
Month 1 - In the middle of David Copperfield and The Princess Diaries.
Month 2 - Finished The Princess Diaries. Still working on David Copperfield. 4 to go.
Month 3 - Finished David Copperfield. Working on Swallows and Amazons. 3 to go.
Month 4 - Still reading Swallows and Amazons.
Month 5 - Finished reading Swallows and Amazons. 2 to go. 

7. Finish 1 more Geological Movie Review
Start - Earthquake still looks like the best bet.

8. Watch 6 of the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time
Start - Current count is at 74.
Month 1 - Watched Duck Soup. 5 to go.

9. Watch 5 of the 100 Greatest Comedies of All Time
Start - Current count is at 26
Month 1 - Watched Duck Soup. 4 to go.

10. Finish 55 things on the Blog/Website Things to do List
Start - The list currently has 115 things on it, so this should cut it down by approximately half.
Month 1 - 9 Things done on the list. 46 left to go.
Month 2 - 12 total things done. 43 left to go.
Month 3 - 17 things done. 38 left to go.
Month 4 - 20 things done. 35 left to go.
Month 5 - 22 things done. 33 left to go.
Month 6 - 23 things done. 32 left to go.
Month 7 - 26 things done. 29 left to go.
Month 11 - 30 things done. 25 left to go.

12. Finish skinning the top of the hovercraft
Start - I started working on it last year. Hopefully I can finish this part of it.
Month 2 - Sealed the milk jugs and placed them in the hovercraft. In the process of getting some wood I need for the outside that needs to be attached before skinning the top.
Month 5 - There is a hold up because I need a 1" x 4" treated lumber which does not seem to be sold in the western third of the country. Working on it though.
Month 11 - I was able to get the wood I needed from Cheyenne, WY so at least I have that now.

13. Get my Sprint Triathlon time under 1:25:00
Start - My current official best is 1:41:45.2

14. Get my 5K time under 23 minutes
Start - My current unofficial best is ~28:30
Month 7 - Current time at 29:50.

15. Catalogue and Photograph the Comics portion of my Star Wars Collections
Start - Currently I have some of the comics photographed so if I get the time this should


Other things of note
 Since last month I had defended my dissertation, this month was spent mostly catching up on other tasks that had been pushed to the side as well as trying to finish up my analyses. Hopefully analyses and writing should be completed by the end of January.

 -----------------------------------FINISHED----------------------------------------
6. (Done!) Update 1 Geological Movie Review
Start - The Day After Tomorrow still needs to be done.
Month 1 - The first part has been redone.
Month 2 - Still working slowly through it. Some more work has been done.
Month 3 - Slowly but surely working through it.
Month 5 - About 1/3rd of the way through the movie.
Month 6 - The movie is basically finished. I just need to polish it up and post it.
Month 7 - Finished!


11. (Done!) Finish 8 things on the House Things to do List
Start - The list currently has 20 things on it.
Month 1 - 1 thing done, fixed the carpet. 7 Things to go.
Month 6 - I actually am in the middle of working on 5 different projects. Some of which might get finished this month.
Month 7 - 4 more things done. Mostly water related like putting in a new water softener and fixing the broken spigot on the front of the house. 3 things to go.
Month 11 - 3 things have been finished including putting in all of the front lights and finish painting the upstairs hall.