Great Thinkers in History - Humor

1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."

---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

---Mariah Carey

3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but I can't remember what they are."

---Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

4. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."

---David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

5. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

6. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

---Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward

7. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

---Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

8. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

---Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

9. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

---Hillary Clinton, commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

10. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."

---Former French President Charlie De Gaulle

11. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

---A Congressional Candidate in Texas

12. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

---Former U S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

13. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."

---General William Westmoreland

And last but not least - a parting word from Dan Quayle:

14. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."


Makes you feel pretty smart doesn't it?