Skiing Humor

Well, cleaning out my emails has found some old jokes. So I figured I would go ahead and publish them as I see fit.

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Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of
exercises to get you prepared:

16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-
in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50
dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after
every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of
your head before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared
on the lenses.

12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20
times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory
bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them
with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your
toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to
run into you at high speed.

7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a
hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a
motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's
in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the
spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it
melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to
take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until
it's time for the real thing!